To be or not to be...Down a rabbit hole...

To be or not to be... That is the question.

  Either a thing is, or it is not. There are shades of in between with reality, but only imagined shades of non reality. The real answer is ( IMO) either a thing is.... or it is not.

  Wishing and willing it to be is not a reality, Wishing or willing it not to be is not either. It may or may not come about, whatever the circumstance. But it will only come about if it is. If it is not then it will not come about.

  I can daydream, desire, want all day about an ideal, a wish, a fear, an anything that is not, But just that act does not make it so. I can wish for a thing that is, to be no longer but that act does not make it so..

 It is what it is.

  It is what it is, It is not any other way. If it was another way it would be a separately different thing all together. So it is what it is. and when it is not. It just is not.

  We waste so much time in the question of a thing, the question becomes bigger than the things itself...

Don Williams - Listen to the Radio

Me and my little hiker

Crawdads in Holly creek

Holly Creek 6.11.12- 3

Crawdads Holly Creek

Some days....

Most days I can find a silver lining, but SOME DAYS I find it hard to smile at all. My Love of nature is the one true thing that gets me through.....That and hope for a better day and of course my three little men.

Loverly.....

Been camping for the last few days. Going to post some stuff as soon as I get the dirt road off of me and rest a bit :)

Today, Tuesday June 12 2012

             I woke up and rushed off to have coffee on moms back deck. Something about her coffee ( or maybe the conversation ) is always better than coffee anywhere else.
I headed back home to wrangle some kids off to the creek.  I got one out of three. Those odds are not bad. Usually I am alone so company was nice for the second day in a row.
Bjam came along. My middle terror. We had a blast and maybe tomorrow we will camp! If I can get my other two monsters into it.
 
Pictures along the way....

        

    All in all it was a wonderful day. Lots to see and explore, to LOVE.

June 11 2012 Holly Creek, Rainy day

                                     

Little boys!! .. Give them encouragement, they become fearful, tell them its dangerous and they will break their necks, They are all about doing it!

Sneaked up on a crawdad out of water....Cute!

                                          This is a beautiful root system along the creek bank...

 

Bjam looking for a spot to get wet.

Crawdads in Holly creek

Holly Creek Crawdads...

Blugh the look of the Migraine

Sorry I am sick. We can't look good always :(

I am out...

Head pounding so hard. Sleep may be the only cure if it will come my way. Rest well beautiful day, beautiful souls, beautiful world!

Journal Entry

Mon, May 14 2012

Who would need much more than this? This gift of life that surrounds me. The beauty in a single tree, the cry of birds nearby. This ground beneath my feet, The rock upon which I sit and enjoy these things.
The peace of the wind upon my face, caressing my skin, breathing through my hair, breathing through the world around me, giving me my own breath. The sun warming my back, the forest that I am setting within, this river all around me, flowing heavy with the recent rain.
Rain that washed the air clean for me to breath, rain that cleared the wind and made it sweet with the scent of the earth, Rain that soaked the world about me with a cool needed drink.. Clouds puffy white against the cornflower blueness of the sky.
Life is growing all around me. Butterflies are giving chase in some magical dance, Dragonflies darting about, Hummingbirds are at the mountain laurel. Each plant around a different beauty, with each its own different use.
How peaceful in this spot I am, How thankful for this life I am.... ME

MIGRAINE 6.11.12

TONIGHT.... I dont even know how to write anymore. So I guess I will write like this until I decide where and how I will post online.... Notepad> Hey it gets it out of my head and down. MIGRAINE, .....I feel there is this Mid-evil battle waged within my head. Splitting, cracking, crashing, swirling, throbbing struggle that is pounding in time with my heart! With every heartbeat a battle drum going off! BOOM! BooM! BOOM! BooM! Cursing me with pain, clashing in the middle with light and dark, good versus evil. Good always wins but sometimes it takes hours or days for the battle to end. Each strand of hair sometimes a weight pulling me down, anchoring my pain. In the middle of my brain an epicenter of War. rhythmic with each noise I hear, with even the faintest. And with the slightest of light my eyes seemingly pound as well. My ears ringing with the clash of highly weilded metal or high pitched bells maybe even crisp crystal under a wet finger.A constant ringing that is always with me ,heard greater in the silence, but there as well in the loudness of my day. The pain more intense when I focus on it, fades to numb when I am less focused. I feel my head will explode at points. The war stretching onward at full intensity. I grasp at it and push against the pain. It is as though its heavy with pain, onfire inside with the thickness of it. At times it helps to relieve the pressure to push back as hard as I am being pushed with the pressure building inside. Sudden movements that make me want to go to my knees are well aquainted enemies. I learn to pace my moving so as not to upset any balance. To bend over would feel as if my head would implode and explode simultaneously. A rushing of static so heavy its weighted and impossible to gather extended thought. Maybe its screaming give me a break already! I can not function full paced constantly . Oh Brain, Why must you split so? When will you let me go? You old friend and wicked enemy.....Can you not just let me be? MIGRAINE.

Forgot this site, Or remembered? Hmmm...

Oh good lord, I need to remember to write... Life gets away with me and I recluse into it. I have been keeping a journal, I have stayed out of the cyber world for a yr or two, Stopped with my pictures and stopped writing. Been more into research than anything. On a wide range of topics. You go figure anything from Hydroponics to Quantum physics has caught my eye. I have even become more spiritual. I hate to call it religious because it fits no certain religion. More like my own religion if anything, jumbled from truths I see and those truths before my own of others before me. **DISCLOSURE* I TEND (*constantly) to ramble off at the brain. So I am going to start posting here if I can remember so that all the world may see, or the few who mistake to anyways, That I am slightly nutty, or either really smart. **I tend to lean towards the nutcase idea personally. So don't sue me for anything posted here, unless you want to be broker than broke like me.